My favorite kind of Adultier Adults™ are those who actively try, like really really try, to understand millennial and GenZ humor but just can’t q u i t e get it, and turn it into something 10x funnier
Me over the phone in bad traffic: Oh, I can move again, the road work is done
My grandpa: Uh I sure hope it isn’t
Me:
Gramps:
Me: Did-
Gramps: Did I do it right
Me with my grandpa again: What’cha doing?
Gramps: making a video of seven seconds of joy
Me, frightened: gramps?
Gramps: *Sends a 7-second video of himself eating Almond Joy* Can you put it on vine for me
Me, choking up, not willing to tell him it’s gone: S-Sure
Me, to my Grandmother over the phone: I don’t know gramma, I don’t know if English is a degree that suits me.
Gramma: But you’ve always loved writing!
Gramps, screaming for the other side of their apartment, just audible over the phone: THAT’S HER OPINIIIOOOOOONNNNNNN!
(Over the phone at like 22:30) Me: Man I am just exhausted but can’t find any sleeping aids, are there any left from when you-
Gramps: It’s the sleeping time
Me: yeah?
Gramps: So it’s the time to sleep?
Me: …. yes?
Gramps: Might I suggest you put head on pillow and sleep?
Me, finally realizing: You watch tiktoks. YOU watch TIKTOK.
Gramps: Just get some warm milk, you cretin
Gramps: *Hangs up*
Me, staring at my phone in disbelief: WH Y
Me, over Skype: Hey gramps did you get the birthday box I sent you? You wanna know what’s in it?
Gramps: DIS BOX EMPTY! WHEAT!
Gramps: *Softly tosses the box onto the couch*
Me: Wh. Wheat.
Gramps over the phone: guess what?!
Me: what?!
Gramps: my Hispanic neighbor taught me how to use freshvakdos!
Me: use… What
Gramps: you know! Freshvakdos! Guacamole!
Me: do. Do you mean fre sh avo ca do?
Gramps: YEAH
Gramps: So I heard about blessing that are actually curses so I’m going to give you one okay
Me: oh no
Gramps: oh yeah.
Me: please-
Gramps: may you receive every book you have ever wanted to read in your life
Me: ….how is this a curse
Gramps: … Only for the last chapters to be torn out and unavailable online
Me: GRAMPS NO
GRamps: GRAMPS YES
Me: *flinches as Gramps uses my deadname several times* *let’s it slip that I wear a binder* *accidentally mentions dysphoria*
Gramps: *deadname* are you okay
Me: Gramps, could you maybe call me Kai instead…?
Gramps without missing a beat or bothering to take his phone away from his face, SCREAMING to my grandma: HONEY WE’VE GOT ANOTHER GRANDTHEM!!!
Me, expecting backlash since my grandparents are conservative Mormons: *violent sobbing laughter*
(via glittervial)
